extreme transphobia

This time around some years ago,  I received an email with this as a headline : OUR FRIEND, SHEILA HAS BEEN MURDERED.  Sheila is a tgirl friend who’ve I known for many years , being a friendly competitor in tranny beauty pageants. Upon going through the details of her untimely demise, I remember just sitting there, looking at the blinking cursor, speechless. Then tears just flowed.

Sheila was found naked on a street corner among trash and garbage, her head was repeatedly smashed with a rock. The bloody rock was just a feet away from her black and blue, mangled body. She was irrecognizable. According  to my friend’s description, she was like a rag doll that has been beaten up, thrown at the side of the street. The police arrested  a  suspect, a  male  stripper . Stories surfaced that he wanted some money to buy drugs and when she refused,  he got so violent that things  ended up tragically. Apparently that was the last report of abuse.

I thought justice has prevailed but I found out later that the suspect was released on bail even though the evidences were strong that would merit a guilty conviction. Only in my country would you see a suspect released on bail for a possible murder. That was a sad time of my life when I lost a sister  and a friend.

More stories of tranny and gay friends and acquaintances being brutally killed more or less because of their sexual orientation has been emailed to me. One thrown off the cliff, one castrated, one whose body parts were mutilated and buried in a farm, one smashed in the head with a bat…Although Sheila’s alleged killer knew she was a tgirl, she wasn’t treated the way she treated him.  Full of love, selflessness and generosity.

I hear stories like this everytime and still, everytime it scares me. I got picked up the first year I was here in Canada, and the guy made some sexual moves on me, when I told him I am not the girl he thought I was he blinked for a bit  and said, “ are you a guy?”. I nodded, and for a second I thought he would punch me when I saw his fist bulging with veins.  I quickly said I was sorry and he let me out of the car. I was still shaking when I walked to my apartment building. His face was red with rage and fury. Just imagine if I made out with him or did  something more sexual, I probably would have ended  up in the hospital by then. From then on if ever I would go out to clubs or bars, I would disclose my sexuality before we engage into anything. I don’t know how my other tgirlfriends do it  but I have heard stories where some were smacked right in the face for disillusionment.

I am not justifying either behaviour but I think getting physically violent is stepping out of the line. And killing is just plain insane. Misleading a guy ,  also in my opinion ,is  despicable. But I don’t think broadcasting one’s a tgirl is necessary, especially there is still strong evidence of transphobia in the society. Yep, I know what you’re thinking, it’s crazy what to do when confronted in this situation (unless, of course, you don’t mind that the girl is actually a man). I apologize as I can’t find a solution for this dilemma.

Someday the world will come to its terms and embrace every sexuality conceived. I wish I’ll still be alive to witness that day. For now I pray for Sheila’s soul, that she may find eternal peace wherever she may be….

my transition

There was never really a decision to make when I  transitioned from a man to a woman. It just felt natural blossoming to an exotic flower. Although it was a difficult adventure at first, meeting girls who are  fenced in my world, made this journey a little bit less stressful.

I have a lot of sisters who were primarily my major influences. I saw them playing with their Barbie dolls. Colorful, pretty clothes. Make-up. Girly stuff. They seemed like magnets that drew  me so close to them. That’s probably the reason why I was so effeminate, I was surrounded with women and all that shines, glitters and sparkles with them. Just imagine a boy, crouched on the floor, hands on his chin, admiring the girls twirl in an invisible star burst, smiling with that beautifully painted face, hairs curled to perfection, well manicured and pedicured nails, and the clothes, those clothes…flowy, satiny . It’s what dreams are made of.

At first I thought I was just gay. A flamboyant boy girating with Cindy Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Then my desire burnt more intensely as I grow older. I had my hair grown longer. I subscribed to Avon for their make-ups. I used my sister’s clothes. I wore feminine underwear. Shoes, stilletos!

My parents were not in the same boat as I were though when they found out about my dressing up. My brothers gave me a hard time at a point of disowning me. Most of my relatives despised me. I was a disgrace and a source of embarrassment they said. Everyone it seemed looked at me as if I were a freak of nature… It was a very hard phase of my life. But I didn’t crumble. I studied hard and proved to everyone that despite my being different, I can still be a source of pride. And I did. I graduated with honors from grade school to college. I put myself to scholarship my entire academic career.My immediate family slowly and gradually embraced the person that I have become. My father officially gave up the day when  he gave me a hug and he said he was proud of me. That day was when I gave him my first pay check from my first job. My mother, sisters and brothers gave me their nod of approval at varying points of my life.

Although this has been the case with my  family, the society I lived in was an entirely different story. I got bullied, teased and hurt. Physically and emotionally hurt. Men would only want me for financial reasons, not for the love I was hoping to be reciprocated. Things like these would drive a person like me to depression or insanity. Nothing has kept me alive but  my faith in God. I know in time things would change.

Even though I live in Canada now,  sometimes I still feel that my journey has its bumps and hurdles.  When people would find out the real person that I am, the disgust in their faces are unthinkable. As if I were a monster that walked on the surface of the earth. This may be the case, but Canadian men love us ,to the point of spoiling us and that I am not complaining. It’s a good feeling being wanted even  if it’s lustful. Even if I am just a piece of meat.

It  is here in Canada where I had my breast implants, some facial feminization surgery, laser treatments, skin buffing, silicone pumps …the whole nine yards.

I love my life. It is too short of a journey for me to dwell on depression and sadness. But it did come at one point. Maybe it will come again. I pray for strength all the time. That when that time comes, I’ll be ready.

TGIRLS VS XDRESSERS ( the unseen war )

Transvestites, crossdressers, drag queens : by general definition  means,  men dressing up as women on certain occasions. The drag queens pushes the envelope by dressing  more elaborately and donning over-the- top make up , these for the intention of stage shows and performances.  Although all chose to dress up as women, they do not have the intention to be women. Most of them are flamboyant gay men.

Transexuals (i.e. tgirl, tranny, shemale, ladyboy) on the other hand, maybe at one point started to crossdress, but in the long run decided to pursue womanhood by dressing up full time and opted to forego with surgeries and treatments leading the way to becoming or looking like a lady. While the majority undergoes surgery, some just embraced the body they’re in and just dress up 24/7. Reasons: Trania: I already look feminine, and I love my hormone boobies. Teeti: I don’t have the financial means to do so. Phukee:  I’m old and just want to have fun now, I just don’t know if my body can handle going under  the knife. Sheika: out of religious and family respect, I’ll treat my body as a temple. Quania:  I’m scared of surgeries and I have low pain tolerance.

Pre and post-op transsexuals. The former keeps the penis, the latter has it chopped off. Main reason: personal and varying ( this will be another topic).

The war between the Xdressers and the tgirls, mythologically, started when the god, Savantah, doesn’t have the resources to keep up with his lavish lifestyle meanwhile saw that his twin tranny sister, Kevinia,  gets precious gifts from her mortal admirers. Jealousy sparked, and one night he sneaked to her room and tried on her clothes and make up. A big light bulb shone on top of his mohawk when he saw how pretty he was. Well , not as pretty as Kevinia, with her long shiny strawberry blond hair, big 36DD breasts,  Jlo hips, smooth silky skin, all courtesy of the goddess Aphrodite and Dr. Suporhn. Savantah put on a wig and shaved his face and body  extensively and went down from the mountains, wearing his sister’s clothes and make up and accessories. He modulated his voice, refined the masculine moves and swayed like a lady. And before he knew it, men were under his spell. Soon enough, he was back with his lavish lifestyle. Kevinia was furious when she found out what her twin brother was doing. Fooling all those men and robbing them off with their hard earned money. She confronted another tranny goddess, Lhuiller, who empathized with her but said, “we can’t control what men want. Some of them probably know what they’re doing and enjoy it. If they don’t then it’s something they have to deal with.” She puts on a flower on her curly hair and continued, “ it’s a tough world out there, even for us goddesses. We just have to be competitive. And just stay beautiful”. Kevinia just stared at her and pondered on that thought.

Savantah went on with  his conquest , and other gods followed on with his footsteps. Other tranny goddesses weren’t happy with this situation, and won’t accept Lhuiller’s logic. So the war goes on.

I have been on the scene where the trannies would whisper nastily when a crossdresser would walk in. The infuriating part though is, when the crossdresser romps  around, thinking she is the QUEEN. Looking down at everyone. I’m not saying all tgirls are nasty, and all crossdressers are mean. But there is a certain air that just doesn’t sit when these two breeds are caged together. Until these two species can come up with a solution to living harmoniously, then let’s just sit and watch the drama. J

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AM I GAY FOR LIKING TRANSEXUALS?

This is the question most often asked by men about themselves. They are confused as why they are drawn to that male appendage attached to that beautiful , sexy body and feminine face. This is just my thought and opinion and in no way should define who you  are.

NO, I don’t think you are gay when you are attracted to a tgirl. If, the only thing you do is give head. I think a  tgirl needs to be satisfied in sex and the only way to reach that satisfaction is through her penis. She needs to climax and orgasm, and as a partner  you need to meet that by giving her head or the least a hand job. BUT, if you bottom (i.e. gets the ass treatment) then that somehow tells me you’re gay or maybe bisexual. I don’t find it sexually stimulating or gratifying to get behind a man and pound his ass.

Although a lot of tgirls do top (i.e. gives the ass treatment) , it’s just for business. I have talked to a lot of them and they prefer their boyfriends just be the top in the relationship.  Confusing isn’t it? I know but these girls just needs to satisfy their clients but at the end of the day they want someone straight and masculine to  steer  the  motion on bed. Being feminine and ladylike in all forms and style, a tgirl need not be reminded that she has that male intuition in her by GIVING the ass treatment to a boyfriend.

If you are confident in your sexuality then I salute you. If you like tgirls and enjoy the things that go along with it and at night before finally resting your body to slumber, you feel STRAIGHT as an arrow, then you are STRAIGHT. Just don’t say ``hey I`m straight `` and then bend over and slap your assh*le with lubricant, to me that doesn`t say STRAIGHT at all.

Live life to the fullest. Enjoy it while you can, life is short. Don`t let labels dictate your way of living. Just live your life the way you want it to be. Be happy. And be strong. J