a new beginning

Today I start a blog. This would chronicle my journey and evolution  as a transsexual;  my thoughts on things relevant or irrelevant to life; my opinions on current events, gossips and juicy headlines ; or just anything brewing under the blazing sun. This would definitely hone my literary and writing skills, or the lack thereof…

I would like to keep my identity anonymous to protect the people who are dear to me. Although this might be the case, my stories are pretty accurate and factual.

I grew up on a third world country in Asia, witnessed a lot of things a normal kid shouldn’t lay eyes on. Poverty had always been on my shoulders,  but I know this is just temporary as I am driven to change this course of my life. My parents pointed out the value of education early on in my existence. Saying this would be my ticket out of fish and rice on to the plate of medium rare steak and mash potatoes with red wine. Of course they are right. Although I prefer my steak well done, which I had two nights ago . Our house was small. Two bedrooms. One washroom.  A small kitchen. A leaky roof.  Six people. Natural disasters are our enemies , because not only do we fear for our lives during that dilemma, but after that as well. Our house is not built on the strongest of foundations,  and if the big bad wolf would pay a visit, he would just have to blow our house to get in. My childhood wasn’t about playing games and wishing on a bright star, it was more of a struggle…food on the table, clothes to wear, tuition fees for school, medicine when one of us is sick, etc. These things have defined me as person. And while now I’m sitting on my comfortable bed , typing on my Mac laptop, and snacking on Godiva chocolates, I look back on these and smile. Although I wouldn’t wish this to anyone who had been accustomed to a good life, I would definitely go through that stage again just because they made me strong. A strong individual who can go through almost anything . A strong individual who can weather any storm. A strong individual who can take on majestic risks and rise victoriously.

Barbie was actually my first influence to being a transsexual.  Her golden hair, wide blue eyes, those legs that literary and figuratively went on for days, and that curve that the Coke bottle envies, were my fascination. My sister dressed her up and vividly thought  that I was putting her clothes to. Those sexy outfits and stiletto shoes were what made my dreams. Somedays I would secretly snuck Barbie out of my sister’s closet and play with her. Brush her long shiny hair. Imagined putting on her make- up and conjured up a story about her snatching every men in the club. That was just the beginning of a tedious and rigorous trek to being the woman I am today.

In grade school, I would always approach and play with the girls. The boys back then are into rough games and tend to get cuts and bruises and  I couldn’t handle that. So I would stick with my girl friends and play some gentle games like jump rope. After that I would braid their hairs and pretend we were on pageants. I would act as the host and judge. Underneath me wishing I was the candidate instead.

High school was a bit different. Hormones had already started kicking in and they kicked so hard I despised that period. Acne, deep voice, broad shoulders, and hairs all over! How I hoped that someone had already introduced me to estrogen pills to supress those horrible effects. But no, I have to go through them, and endure those horrendous  transforming phase. At this point in my life, my effeminate and flamboyant nature had already been evident despite the masculine changes I was  entering. And that nature got me bullied a lot. I cried. I didn’t like being teased. My family thought I was queer too and my father would give me the hardest time about it. I just embraced the fact that I was different and in order to shift the attention from my unique personality, I studied hard and became an honor  student. My family was so proud of me but that didn’t shake anything. Their fear that I'll be something different still remain intact in their brains. And that my future would just be confined to the beauty parlor where most of my kind in my country end up.

Trying to prove them wrong, I got into a prestigious university and got myself a Bachelor’s Degree in Health Sciences. I thought that it would be a great pre-med course for I wanted to be a doctor. I have already been accepted to a medical school when the unthinkable happened, my family can’t afford to send me to my dreams of becoming a healer. I was crushed but that didn’t end my life. I looked for a job and after a long search ended up with one. I was overworked and underpaid but I didn’t complain.

I was in that job when an agency came to my city looking for immigrants to Canada. I applied and luckily got in. Long story short, I am already here.

More stories to come J